Toxic people. There’s no doubt they are everywhere. You might have one in your family, at work, or even as a friend. Toxic people are energy vampires who drain you emotionally and leave you feeling exhausted. They are often negative, critical, and judgmental. And worst of all, they can be manipulative and controlling.
I was once married to a narcissist. He was the center of his universe and he also happened to be the center of mine! They say love is blind, and in my case it was true. Love blinded me so much that I didn’t notice the patterns until we were well into our marriage. When I did and I started showing up for myself, everything started going downhill. He didn’t like that I wasn’t simply acquiescing to his wishes and I became resentful and felt taken advantage of. My walk-away point was realizing (in the middle of an argument), that I didn’t like who I was when I was with him. That flipped a switch inside me and thus began my journey of self-discovery.
Had I been more aware, had I been able to recognize the signs, things would have turned out rather differently. At the same time, I am grateful for the experience because it made me who I am today.
This week, I want to shed some light on the different types of toxic people you might come in contact with and give you some tips for how to protect yourself when faced with such a person.
7 Different Types of Toxic People
They become easy to spot once you know who they are:
- The Debbie Downer — Do you remember that skit from SNL about Debbie Downer? She was always negative, expecting the worst, and couldn’t find one good thing about anything. It felt like the world was on the verge of collapse whenever people hung out with her. There was always something to complain about. I’ve worked with people like that time and time again in my career and they are exhausting! They leave you feeling drained and in need of a strong cup of Joe!
When you are finished spending time with them, make sure you set some time aside to release any feelings that might have come up. Maybe taking a bath or a long walk is a good way to let it go. Find what works for you and take some time to take care of yourself so you can properly recover.
Unfortunately, it’s not only at home that we have to deal with toxic people. If you encounter them at work, the process and the steps are the same. You just might have to document more, if for no other reason than to have absolute clarity about the dynamic of the relationship and the steps you are taking to resolve it.
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If you can, avoid them altogether. If that’s not possible, try to limit your interactions as much as possible. Be clear about what your walk-away point is. Ask yourself, What is the line not to be crossed and what action will I take when it is crossed. I’m not necessarily talking about leaving your job, though it may come to that, just determine when you walk away from a discussion that has reached a dead end.
A lot of times when we’re at work, we have to put up with things we wouldn’t normally tolerate because it’s our job. But that doesn’t mean you have to put up with unacceptable behavior from anyone, even if they are your boss.
Remember that your mental and physical health are more important than any job. So don’t be afraid to do what’s best for you.
