I’m attempting to get used to the concept that I’ll die by myself.
No matter how many people are around me that day—one, two, twenty—I will be facing that situation entirely alone.
Life is the same.
Don’t hold this against me; I’m still young. When I was younger, I used to think of my friends and family as a kind of rock.
People I could always rely on for anything.
Don’t get me wrong; I am surrounded by amazing individuals.
The depressing truth is that I am responsible for all of my problems and challenges in life.
Therefore, I must ultimately desire to remedy it.
The idea of being by myself used to terrify me.
I surrounded myself with acquaintances while I was in my early teens.
You might have assumed I was an outgoing person if we had met back then.
I used people as a clutch in everything I did, from the way I spoke to the minor problems I encountered.
It pains me to say it, but after losing practically all of the people I considered friends, I found myself struggling with loneliness—something far more ominous than I could have ever imagined.
Being lonely is something you learn, not something that is fed to you.
Growing alone can be the best gift, despite how unpleasant it is.
But it has two sides to it.
Is it possible to get too accustomed to being by yourself?
Because I can’t think of a time recently when I’ve preferred being alone than being with others.
just because I don’t want to talk to anyone, ignoring calls and texts.
It’s not ideal that many of the people I care about say they never feel my love when they need it the most since there are times when I’m selfish and could care less how it affects them.
On the other hand, I look after myself.
Instead of letting other people’s opinions affect what I do, I follow my own desires.
I recognise and accept myself.
Although I am alone, I am not lonely.
I may be selfish, but I’d rather keep my peace than risk hurting my back trying to help others.
Or perhaps it’s a strategy for keeping my energies safe.
However, there are occasions when I wonder what I’m missing.
Whether having someone sit next to me would improve my viewing experience or whether having someone to talk to about my troubles might sometimes make them seem smaller.
In any case, I’m not upset about my small circle of pals, but I can’t help but worry that I could have skipped a crucial opportunity to feel the kind of love that can only be given freely.
If I’m being completely honest, I barely understand any of it, so it’s all quite perplexing.
But one thing is certain—being surrounded by people won’t make loneliness go away.
It is up to each individual to determine what loneliness means.
The lifestyles of others frequently make us feel under pressure.
We may feel that’s how we want to spend our life after seeing others on social media post about their experiences.
However, it’s acceptable to not want to socialise or go out every night.
The secret is to strike a balance.
Recognize that nobody can live in full solitude, but you can still choose who has access to you.
observing how you feel after speaking with specific individuals and keeping track of how your social battery responds to different situations.
It’s not neurobiology, but a lot of people, including myself, find it difficult to reach a happy medium where you can be private without coming off as snobby.
Accepting that you can’t accomplish everything on your own is the first step, followed by understanding how to set boundaries.
And while it’s acceptable to feel lonely from time to time, you shouldn’t let it push you to reconnect with individuals who no longer inspire you because they have no obligation to do so.
I could go on and on, but it would be false to say that I know all the answers.