Do you get mood swings very often? Do you feel sad with the smallest loss? Do you feel alone and unhappy? Above all, are you done with these feelings and want to get rid of them? If yes, then you are reading the right page. I have felt the same for a long time and was fed up. I just wanted to be happy. I did some random exercises to train my mind to be happy and fortunately, I could do that. I have summarized my journey from sadness to happiness, hoping that someone somewhere benefits from this.
It happens many times that we live in a family and yet feel alone. Social media today will make you realize that what you are feeling is depression. No one is going to pressurize you to believe that you are depressed but the symptoms are the same. You might end up believing it. The reason behind this inner sadness lies in the fact that our brains are hard-wired to believe that we cannot be happy until we achieve or get xyz. This xyz can be a degree, a position, or anything else. No one taught us that happiness and satisfaction can be connected but they are not dependent on each other.
I had certain goals in mind which I was not able to attain due to a lot of reasons. One of them was illness. Ulcerative colitis, slip disc pain, vaginal infection, ankle sprains, and other issues followed up one after the other. Surprisingly, none of them were healing. I lost my peace of mind, patience, and every bit of love I had in me. I was becoming a mentally and physically sick person. One day, I read about a meditation technique. I had to close my eyes and remember the happiest moment of my life. When I did it, I went black. I could not recall one happy moment that I wanted to revisit. This was an eye-opener. I realized, how quickly we associate our present condition with the happiness inside. The lack of faith and belief that tomorrow can be better and beautiful is really killing us. We are living the present in a very wrong way.
Now, I realized that I needed to change. Actually, I desperately wanted to change. It was in this desperation I read many things and started experimenting with them. The first step in being happy was acceptance. I accepted that my health conditions are going to take time to heal. I can manifest and work towards making them better but no magic is going to happen. Then, I started changing my lifestyle and pattern. There was a pattern in worrying. In the days when I would keep lying all day long due to severe back pain, I would simply look up to the ceiling and curse the moment I did the exercise that caused the pain. I would keep calling everyone to rant about my condition and tell them that how capable I am. If this would not have happened, I would have achieved this and that. Some days I would just cry. The thoughts were never-ending. Why me? Why only me? When am I going to be better? and many more.
Now I changed this pattern. All-day long I would watch series and movies. I installed Kindle, and started reading books. In one line, I was engaged all day long. Then came the time when I could actually sit and work. COVID took away a lot of things from me, both professionally and personally. This current method of engagement was not working anymore. I was still getting sad for not being able to get what I believed I should have. Now what? Now was time to realize that happiness is not being happy all the time. Rather it is about having no negative thoughts and peace with the situation. I am not asking you to accept a sub-standard life or situation. Just accept that this is what is happening with you today and you can’t change it as you cannot reverse the time. Hold your reactions from inside. The tomorrow is in your hands and even that day cannot be changed with your thought. So, do not think and worry about the losses you have already received and the win you are yet to celebrate.
Once I understood this, I started being conscious of my thought. I just had to squash every negative thought. But it was just not happening. Exactly what happens when we try to mediate. It happens only for a few minutes and then we are back to being human. But I was determined. So, I made a beautiful thought in my head that I could always think about. One of them was being rich enough to support the education of some people I knew. I have a close family who lost all the fatherly figures in their life and there is no one to earn. All they get is some money to survive from their field, long medical bills as everyone in the home is sick out of misery and two kids to raise. One of them went through a major operation in which few of the relatives contributed but a huge amount had to be loaned. The idea to be capable to help them always got my attention. I just want to be able to take care of all their needs some time in my life.
But this thought was making me miserable. As I realized it I created a second array of thoughts that were beautiful but cannot be shared with anyone. This thought can be anything. It just has to be something that has the capacity to get your attention anytime. So, every time I got a negative thought, I just drifted away in my own beautiful world. However, before I discovered this technique, I used to sing. One song for every negative thought. It was only after I realized that I sing badly, I have to hear my own voice every time and I am really bad at lyrics, I came up with the idea of creating a thought.
The other major thing I did was meditating in the morning though I could never do it for more than 20 minutes in a go. The third thing that helped was coloring. I got mandala painting books and started coloring in them. It required a lot of concentration as the designs are very intricate and any distraction would spoil it. For months, I used to color after work till my eyes hurt and I had to go to bed. In all these tests and trials, I learned to not think. I did not realize this until I discussed it with a friend.
I have started living in the moment. Forget about a sad thought, I only think what I want to. I very rarely get negative thoughts which I easily squash. Today, I am not laughing out loud every moment but m happy from inside. It seems meditation and other activities that demand your concentration really work wonders. Being conscious of my thoughts for just a few months has changed my life. It is just magical.
The simple thoughts on why should I do this and that, which would arise in my mind every day do not haunt me now. I feel amazed how education, family support, and reading could not do things that our minds can. If you are also facing mood swings, sadness, depression, then this exercise is worth it. Just: