The opposite of beautiful is ugly. This is defined as someone unattractive to others, whether it’s their face or body.
So what does it actually mean to be ugly? Is there a checklist? Maybe, but it’s a man-made checklist.
Beauty, in many ways, is objective. When many people classify something as beautiful, it becomes the norm.
But how do we really know what we think is beautiful, when society, the media, and celebrities are constantly pushing their ideas of beauty onto us?
Typically, what we grow up seeing every day in magazines, or on TV influences what we believe to be beautiful or ugly.
But this isn’t a universal decision. Someone who is considered ugly in a western country may be seen as beautiful elsewhere in the world.
And while we’re on that point, who said beauty has to be just about appearances? What about finding beauty in our personalities, our traits, and the way we make other people feel?
So much is focused on our physical appearance, but maybe this wouldn’t matter so much if we started to see the beauty that’s within us. We all have it, just in different shapes and forms.
Coping with being ugly: A strange but effective exercise
But once you try it, you’ll start to understand the point he’s making. The exercise is simple, but it gets to the root of some of our feelings towards being ugly.
It transports you back to being a child when your life was filled with playing, imagining, and being yourself. Back to a time when you weren’t being defined by society’s perception of beauty.
Take all the negative thoughts that you have towards your appearance, and then imagine that yourself back when you were a child.
Imagine your younger self sitting in front of you, visualise it. Then, start saying all those negative opinions to that child sitting in front of you.
How does it make you feel?
For me, the exercise brought up a lot of emotions. I started to feel that the little girl in front of me didn’t deserve to hear those things; she’s a person who should grow up free and happy, regardless of her appearance.
It didn’t make sense to put her down and hurt her feelings. So why should it make sense to do it now, as an adult?
To find out more about the exercise and how you can use it to improve your relationship with your appearance.
15 things you need to know about being ugly
Dealing with being ugly isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be hard either. Many factors which can make you feel worse about yourself can actually be changed or removed, but it’s up to you to take those first steps.
Here are 14 small changes and tips which you can use:
1) What other people think of you is none of your business
I first heard this quote a few years ago, and it really struck a chord within me. When we listen and take on board every single opinion that people have of ourselves, we end up feeling miserable.
But, if you change the way you think, suddenly, what other people have to say about you is irrelevant. You are in control of your life, thoughts, and feelings.
What they have to say is their business, and it has nothing to do with you. If anything, their comments are a reflection of themselves. All they do is make themselves look bad.
Of course, putting this into practice is much easier said than done. If you take action and decide that every time you hear something negative being said about you that it’s none of your business, you’ll eventually learn to stop being hurt by mean comments.
You have an obligation to yourself. You can’t wait for people to start being nice to you to feel good about yourself. You are you, and you have to be the one to make yourself feel good again.
Ignoring what other people have to say is the first step in taking control over your life, regardless of your appearance.
2) Practice self-love
Being ugly presents you with an opportunity to do something that will benefit you for a lifetime — practicing self-love.
Unfortunately, self-love is difficult these days.
And the reason is simple:
Society conditions us to try and find ourselves in our relationships with others. We’re taught that the true path to happiness is through romantic love.
Although being ugly is in no way an impediment to finding romantic love, I believe that this sort of love is an unrealistic standard for everyone.
I used to believe that:
- I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
- There was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
- I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from having a positive relationship with myself. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
So what can you do to change your luck?
Begin with yourself. Stop searching for external fixes to sort out your life, deep down, you know this isn’t working.
And that’s because until you look within and unleash your personal power, you’ll never find the satisfaction and fulfillment you’re searching for.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. His life mission is to help people restore balance to their lives and unlock their creativity and potential. He has an incredible approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist.
So if you want to build a better relationship with yourself, unlock your endless potential, and put passion at the heart of everything you do, start now by checking out his genuine advice.
3) Find beauty within yourself
If you struggle to find parts of your appearance which you like, try focussing on other areas of your life.
Beauty can be found in the smallest of things, in the most unexpected places. And the great thing is, no one can really disagree with you, because like with art and music, beauty is subjective.
So, if you love singing, keep singing. If helping others is your passion, do it more. You can choose what you find beautiful about your personality or lifestyle, and build it up.
Doing activities that make you feel good can be a great reminder that there’s more to beauty than just looks.
Even if you think you’re ugly, people won’t be able to resist seeing the beauty in you if that’s all you project into the world.
Now, that’s not to say you need to be the next Mother Theresa to get over your appearance issues, but do you see anyone commenting on her looks?
Think of the great people in the world; you’ll find that their looks don’t affect how the world views them because they followed their passions and stayed true to themselves.
4) Learn to accept yourself
Acceptance of ourselves can be really difficult. We can learn to accept others, but when it comes to our own flaws, we’re often very critical of ourselves.
‘It’s important to regularly put in some time thinking through the things that you love about yourself so yo
6) Avoid jealousy
It’s so easy to compare yourself to others. We all do it without even realizing it.
‘[The] effects of jealousy include a decrease in one’s perceived self-worth, emotional instability, feelings of bitterness, the breaking of relationships, prolonged depression and extreme anxiety.’
It’s a tough emotion to deal with, but if you truly want to feel better about yourself and your appearance, it’s definitely something to work on.
The truth is, there’s always going to be people who have it better than you. Better looks, more money, a dream lifestyle.
Keep in mind that there’s always going to be people who have less than you, too.
Whilst you’re busy comparing your life to someone you’re jealous of, someone else is doing the same with you and your life.
This is a negative cycle, which ultimately you can’t gain anything from. The sooner you quit comparing yourself to others and learn to accept who you are and the looks you’ve been given, the quicker you’ll come to peace with it.
7) Tune out the world and focus on your emotions
your image as perceived by others, but on your thoughts, feelings, and general energy?
We lose touch with ourselves very easily, but I believe more of us would be content with our lives if we nurtured the relationship we have with our core being.
And the good news is, I know a great way to get back in touch with yourself:
The exercises he’s created combine years of breathwork experience and ancient shamanic beliefs, designed to help you relax and check in with your body and soul.
With Rudá’s help, I rebuilt the relationship I had lost with myself. Years of focussing on my appearance had taken me away from what truly matters — my feelings, my values, and my personality.
Plus, the relaxing flow is a great way to unwind and release stress and negativity.
So, if you focus on all those areas instead of your appearance, other people’s opinions of you won’t matter because you’ll have a thriving relationship with yourself once again.