No matter what your anxiety tells you. you are not a burden, you are not unloved, you are not alone. when anxious, everything stops too soon or moves too fast, and between every fraction of seconds, you murmur sweet nothings, just like between kisses, lovers murmur endearments.
I wanted to run away, I still do and I got used to it. I run away from expectations, admiration, love and affection, I run away when it’s too much risk for me to take or it’s too safe for me to fall. I wanted to run away from the idea of being the calm and not the storm, and the doors that I left neither ajar nor more widely of many life-changing opportunities. I wanted to distance myself from all the car horns, the loud voices, the fake smiles, the bad intentions, the gossips, and all the deafening noises.
It is okay to run away too early before you drift aimlessly from one thought to another. you are worthy of this hurricane of thoughts, the positive and the negative analysis of the actions and words of others. you are worthy of love and affection. You have to teach yourself that can be the scariest thing you will ever do or the smartest decision you ever take! In both cases, you should only feel safe inside. we need to normalize more into our lives to just leave for some time when things get too unbearable for us and just take that time away from everything and then come back when we feel like we can face the world again.
Distancing yourself and detaching completely from what drains your energy on a daily basis, will help you get rid of your dark thoughts. when you imagine a good memory, you are training your nervous system to be calm, feel-good brain chemicals are released, you do yourself positive good, you start to make your own natural medicine for anxiety. In time, you begin to be able to manage your emotions better and then to help others manage theirs. Whereas you were once lost in a storm, you become a lighthouse, shining out to sea.
When you ignore anxious thoughts and as if they were a distant radio, and continue doing what it’s right for you, in time they will lessen and disappear between the rumble of the crowds. Anxiety thoughts are akin to driving around the block over and over, faster and faster. It’s pointless. Stop. Let your thoughts be as a car on a good road, taking the hills and valleys just the same, heading into the far horizon your passions call you toward. You owe it to yourself to take control of the wheel
We all fear something, we all walk down the streets feeling dispirited sometimes. At least I do. I walk down the streets feeling low, downhearted and despondent. the wind moving as if I was a ghost and nothing more. It’s a feeling that is hard to transcribe but the lesson being is that when feeling dejected, It’s hard to want a thing that much and feel that it is beyond reach. But I always want what I want and second best will never do. So that feeling, that emotion, becomes part of my motivation to work harder, to be creative and intelligent, to keep going for what my heart and soul are calling for.
Each phase of living has forms of arrival and leaving. If we are lucky enough for these to remain in the realm of the symbolic, then we can remain with those we love and build a secure life that feels safe and dependable.
For some, however, as fate would have it, these things are literal. There are times we literally have to leave, alone.
I’ve been doing exactly that since childhood. It would be nice to stop. It would be nice to feel a sense of being somewhere. That would be great.